


life full bloom

by starryfrens



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-04-29 19:08:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14479248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryfrens/pseuds/starryfrens
Summary: dan and phil make their dream voyage to america on the S.S. titanic, nervous yet unaware of the impending doom following close behind their polished heels.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (no major character death!! dw!!)

"you are quite truly a choice bit of calico."

dan's concentrated blank gaze turned into his classic melty "i'm in love with you" face as his eyes blinked longingly at the garments sitting on phil's chiseled features.

it was a white velvet blazer coat draped over his shoulders, adding even more powerful charisma to the already swoon-worthy boy. his red linen shirt sat tucked into his ironed black slacks, yet unbuttoned. his bleach white socks padded his paces around the room as he admired himself in the five mirrors placed randomly about. his hair would brush against the ceiling every few bounds, pulling a reaction of a frantic itch in fear nothing in particular, just his own luscious locks of ginger and splotchy black. phil placed his hand over his heartbeat, staring at the gentle brown curls on the other side of the room being burnt and slathered in a slimy oil that ran down a pair of wrists. his bare shoulders and risqué waistline prompted phil to clear his throat rather suddenly, throwing the boy off balance.

"please, sir, if you're going to wear trousers at all, you may as well wear 'em where they oughtta be!"

he lunged in one quick motion to pop his fingers through the loops where his belt should've been and yanked them nearly to his ribs.

"oh, buzz off! go chase yourself! let me ready myself in peace! have you even gotten the bag packed?"

the boy shook his head and chuckled, kicking softly at the edge of the rug with his foot, while still holding one belt loop with his thumb, feeling dan's body move and tense ever so slightly as he glued the last strand of hair to his scalp.

they were leaving in a few short hours, the sun not yet reaching above the ocean's homemade horizon, to sail the atlantic ocean on the most prestigious trip of the times, according to the newspapers. she was supposedly the most elegant cruise ship ever built, sitting ready in southampton as eager souls counted down the seconds till they could roam every inch of her majestic halls.

"how do you just slick it all with one quick swipe, phil, it's impossible for me!"

"we've got different hair, daniel."

he would say that everytime, because that's how it was. straight locks to curls. phil had spent his entire life around women who constantly tinted their hair, drowning greys in brown and black. he had always felt conscious of his ginger brown hair, after seeing everyone bathe their crowns in dye, deeming their tones as flaws, so that's how he named his own.

"i need more black, it's showing through."

dan pulled his hat over his hair and turned to face him, a look of slight worry in his eyes.

"why do you hate it so much? it's the hair you were born with, i don't understand why one would like to change it."

"you just say that because you're content with your color. you've never have a single fret about anything! can't you understand that i just have a harder time than you do, and i need to release it?!"

he was standing even closer to him now, almost about to reach his nose with his own. a tear was starting to form in his eyes, but he couldn't let it out.

"you never listen to me, it's always your problems, all about dan, and how dan feels, it's like you dont even see me!"

phil turned away sharply, knocking the hand off his shoulder, and nearly hitting the mirror.

daniel had given up on trying to hide. he had completely burst. hearing his soulmate talk so angrily at him, something he never did, and to brush his touch off his body, shattered his heart.

"i- i'm so sorry, phil, you hide everything you're fighting, bottle it up, you never trust me, and i know how hard that is to do. you should never feel like i don't see you, i want to change that. so, tell me whatever you like and i will try my best to make it right. i love you and i accept you, you know that, phil."

he shook his head again.

"it's against the law to love me, howell."

dan smiled with the corners of his mouth and pulled phil around to face him.

"listen to me, we'll cash in the bighouse if we have to, as long as i can still feel your skin."

a rush of pink ran into phil's ears, but there was still pain in his eyes.

"look, you don't have to hide anything anymore. i know i complain too much. i talk about myself like some bimbo and completely forget my life standing right in front of me. i'm sorry."

it was then that phil caught a glimpse of the remorse in dan's eyes. true guilt in flying color, one he hadn't seen before.

"i'm sorry i yelled at you."

he muttered as he leaned closer to the brunet's mouth.

"oh, you hotsy-totsy, tiny, little darb. kiss me."

before either could protest, or connect their affections, the door swung open and the lights switched on.

bodies were pushed apart.

"hurry up you cake-eaters! she leaves in two and you're not even packed!"

neither knew who the man was, or why he had catapulted himself into the room, but judging from the fact they were both lodging in the same place as everyone else preparing for her voyage, it was a door-to-door check-in.

in a frantic rush, shirts and pants and coats and belts and ties and socks and undergarments were stuffed into a single suitcase, shoes were pulled on carelessly, untied, and hats and canes were grabbed last minute. the sunday paper, a stopwatch, a bible for some reason, and a leisure reading were picked up and pushed into coat pockets as well.

dan threw his arms into the sleeves of a black button-up, refusing to tend to it until he had joined it with a dark grey jacket over top. he fastened it, tucking it into his trousers and straightening the garment in the mirror. lacing a belt through the loops, and buckling it before cocking his head to the side and admiring himself again.

phil had finally buttoned his own, working the wrinkles out with a wet hand, and picking at the fuzz trapped in his velvet blazer. he tied his left shoe first, then the right, before bending down to tie dan's shoes. he didn't have to, as the man full well knew how to do it on his own, but the lovely gesture seemed to flatter him as much.

one last final sweep of the room, picking up two shaving razors, petroleum jelly, a comb, a straight iron, two toothbrushes and paste, two bathrobes, and a bottle of fragrance. all thrown into the suitcase. it was shut, and they opened the door. the hallway was empty, but loud, footsteps going up and down the stairs for one last thing they forgot. they could see the shore from that doorway, bright blue and white rolling waves.

"are you ready, phil?"

his hand was enveloped by dan's warm right.

"always ready when i'm with you, howell."

the same loud check-in man came running towards them to hurry their pace, and then his hand was dropped.

"alright, alright, very well, this way, this way."

he had a very thick northern accent, talking very quickly and hardly understandable. the pair were whisked away, down a staircase to the lobby where french doors spat them out onto a sandy wooden boardwalk that led to the ship, the S.S. titanic, shining and majestic in the harbor.

phil felt dan's hand against his again, grabbing his fingers and melting into a still teary-eyed smile.

he couldn't help but worry about whatever he may have forgotten, his hair dye, oh, he had left it, and he would have to wait who knows how long to replace it. maybe it was finally time to embrace it..

his thoughts were interrupted by dan's soft voice.

"we're going to new york, phil lester. we're going to stay forever and ever. i am going to america with you!"

this seemed like a dream, a beautiful dream, one full of music and majesty and grace. it felt so surreal.

"don't you ever leave my side, dan."

"i won't, i promise. we'll be just fine."


	2. two

"i want you to tell me your dreams, mr. lester."

"you egg, painted in lust for the glamor you already have, begging me to fill the crevices in your neck with passionfruit flavored cash. this body of yours is my dream, your heart is my destiny, and your mind is my trophy. i adore every living inch of your being, just laying here with you is all i've ever wanted."

"don't tell me that! i may be your starstruck, your silver in hiding, your watchchain! but i cannot be the source of your daydreams in thirst for a life never once lived. is there a single thing that you need to accomplish before you're laid to rest? you may want to fly in a plane, or be in a film, or publish a paper! but no, all you say is me- me, me, me, little daniel howell and all his flaws. do i really make you feel in such a way that every other aspiration in your heart, locked away, becomes the dust you swipe from your shoulder?!"

"in no form are you dust! surely i would love to achieve life's delights, more than that which has been listed, but to spend even an hour with you sends me into a euphoric rush! maybe if i held you to the mirror and show you your perfect, perfect beauty, you would hear the words i say and take them to your treasure chest. so, little daniel howell, you, you, you - you are my dreams. that is all."

he scoffed. being told such mush was secretly so appealing, but how could he hide or reveal this? reaction was purely in spite of his fearful mind, dancing the waltz with 'what ifs' and paranoia. being caught sharing a bed with phil would end his own life in this place, or any, so laying out spare pillows on the cold floor seemed to be his life for the short trip across the sea. but could he ever risk it? would running his fingers up and down phil's chest at night, staring at the open water and the stars be worth his heart in the government's hand in the end? maybe so, if it meant he could die in love.

so on he went, against all longing inside his skinny frame, piling decorative pillows and throws onto the wooden floor. he curled into a delicate ball of fancy, white cotton tee nearly transparent on top of smooth, freckled, rosy patched skin. he wore a pair of black shorts that reached just above his knees with this. after finding the position he wished to slumber, standing up now, he pushed his situation to phil's side of the bed, and, reaching upwards with one shaky, warm hand, held onto the man's fingers with careful surveillance of the sounds outside the door. and with that, he drifted off to sleep without even brushing his teeth first, or taking a shower, slightly shifting every now and again, disturbing whatever was left of the petroleum jelly in his hair, causing it to poof up and twist into luscious curls to surprise him when he awoke, just like it always does. this touch locked in the webbing between his fingers and the back of his hand secured the smile on his face, eyes crinkled at the edges and chest rising and falling periodically as his heart sang a lively tune to keep him breathing until morning.

"dan,"

a whisper.

"hm?"

he uttered this, half asleep.

"i love you."

a rush of warmth filled his face and chest and his grin pulled into a toothy one.

"i love you too, phil."

and then it was silent. it was an awful silence. being so hyperaware of who could see them exhausted the senses, a dream of being free seemed like it would stay a fantasy. unable to share a kiss goodnight, or a smooch hello, not even a gentle spoon in bed, because of the paranoid life they lived. nobody chose to feel so isolated, but that was just their case.

dan thought on this for a while as his mind stayed awake. nobody was outside, their window faced the water, and there wasn't even a balcony from which passers by could peer inside. who would see them? just a little cash on the mouth wouldn't hurt anybody else.

but there was something holding him down. something he couldn't let go of. a compulsory urge to conform to whatever standards there were in the year of 1912, a feeling of suffocation, i suppose you could call it that.

the people knew about what two men in a room together meant, the magazines had pictures and stories, but how would they react to seeing them in human form? nonsense, no one could see inside their room even if they wanted to. doors lock. curtains close. what could go wrong?

dan opened his eyes now, staring up at phil's hand in his. the boy's arm was bare and pale, muscles twitching every so often as he drifted off deeper and deeper to sleep. dan could see his chest rising and falling, rising and falling, and his other hand sitting on top. he prayed he would roll onto his side so he could get a better watch over him. but he never did. he stayed on his back and kept holding dan's hand.

he was pretty good at controlling his desires, since that's how he'd always been trained to do since he was small, but tonight the chains had been cut away from his ankles and wrists, he felt more alive than he ever had. daniel let his fingers unravel and drop into his lap, before watching the limp hand he let go of for a split second. when it didn't rouse the joint he stood up and climbed over phil, cuddling right up next to him on his right side. phil's eyes fluttered open and he rubbed them, while a gentle smile curved along his face. not even his facial expression or his own words could tell a good enough description of the feelings he experienced while he wrapped his arms around dan's waist, pulling the thick duvet over them so the brunet would stop shivering. pure joy. the essence of euphoria. the absence of all fear, no longer imprisoned by their own minds and those of the people around. freedom and her fruit tasted so sweet. peach and cherry, strawberry and orange.

planting soft crops of cash on dan's neck, admiring how much his collarbones stuck out and how closely his freckles resembled the stars and constellations in the safely lit night sky. utter softness erupted like a nervous volcano as eyes shut once again and movement ceased to carry itself along: sleep so luxurious and calm, never seen before until two boys let go of the rules they made for themselves and learned how to take a little risk. after all, they were on their way to america, and they had no plans to return. this dream of theirs would come true, and the colors would fly on skin until the very end. right now, as they slept so unaware, dan and phil began to build the life they'd always constructed in their wildest fantasies, laying awake at night pondering the meaning of where they were, wondering if it would ever change. neither of them knew it would change quite so drastically.

do dreams come true or are they simply predecessors of the future? someone living inside your head or up in the sky telling you what's in store for your tiny little life. every single person has a voice inside their head that they use as a guide, so that they are able to walk the stone path through life passing as a dream. this goes on for a simulated eternity. but what is eternity? does she have an age, and when does she lose her youth? an immortal concept does not have a numerical value, perhaps, but when does such develop a middle? of course, an idea like this would conclude that infinity has an end. it doesn't. your pen may leave the paper after you finish drawing your figure eight infinite sign, but the inscription does not appear to have a beginning or end. let yourself attempt to answer my question. when does eternity lose her youth? 


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew i havent worked on this badboy in AGES m very sorry for that but this is so FUN to write i love olden english speak from the teens and 20s so i'll definitely start this back up again.  
> sorry it's kinda short but i wrote this back in like july or sumn i dont remember. ANYWAY ENJOY  
> cheers  
> f

there was something about the way phil kissed him as the ship sat in the harbor, that couldn't exactly be put into words. it was the color velvet red and it felt of silk sheets, like a white dress reaching all the way to the floor. the colorful darkness behind daniel's eyelids was his aura for the moment, unable to open them for fear of the cascade of tears that would make the encounter quite slippery. he thought now of nothing awful. no negative paranoia concerning the aftermath of discovery of their little love, the only thing that swam through the brunet's head was affection and pure joy. an absence of fear in a usually drowning head, no longer a desert. his heart had been smiling all day and all night, and now that he was laying on top of phil's chest and being kissed down the neck, the smile had turned into a wide, toothed grin, with eyes that crinkled and squinted.

the world had never looked so hopeful. the water had never seemed so calming. the night wasn't taunting dan anymore, it simply gazed on from above as his mind lay at ease on fertile ground. peace was hardly attainable at such a vulnerable state, at this point in time, but tonight it was the moon outside the window. right there to grab and hold while he slept, like a stuffed animal to an anxious child.

if you asked the stars if they'd ever seen something as beautiful as what they saw on the titanic they'd say no. no, they had never seen a love so genuine, nor had they ever thought it could become so intense. it made them warm with pride to watch over an earth that gleamed with solace and strength. the stars valued this moment more than themselves.

dan now held phil's face with soft hands, one on each side, staring delicately into his blue, yellow, and green eyes with his mud brown ones that had hearts in them. you could literally see the pink and crimson radiating off of him.

"phil?"

he spoke so dearly, so gently, and ever so sincerely, taking one hand off to interlace his fingers into phil's fingers.

"what is it, dan?"

phil couldn't help but blush as the boy said his name.

"i've said this a million times before, even more than that today. but that's because i truly mean it. listen to what i have to tell you. you put the stars in my sky, and they are proud of us. how far we've traveled out of our own ways, and how lovely you make me feel. they see how much fun i have with you, just sitting on the sofa drinking pop, nearly nothing. they listen to all the beautiful things you say and they keep it safe, because you made them to be so gracious in my world. you saved my life without even trying, phil, and i wouldn't have it any other way. so, for the million-first time: phil lester, i love you."

all he could do was nod as he absorbed the words. a few rogue tears rushed from his eyes, only to be roadblocked by his lashes. they became constellations, most likely gemini because the reaction was created by a person of the same zodiac. he hardly ever cried, but hearing how highly his name was held was enough to open the flood gates. he could not get any syllables to surface, so instead of a response to what he had just heard, he snatched the pair of strawberry lips with his own in a fiery crash of passion. minty breath exchanged, tongues clashed and pores clogged with the other's tears. it was well worth it, they both believed that.

horns sounded from the heavens as they continued to fall in love, pulling phil's shirt off as his body sank into the mattress with the black-haired boy over him now. dan dug nails into his back, assisted by hands rubbing up and down his own arms. fingers laced through belt loops, boys kissing still, it felt like a beam of moonlight had aligned with their bodies, heaven shining down, and singing an assuring lullaby, surely to shush them to sleep in peace. with blankets and pillows scattered on the floor, dan and phil slept on each other in the bed, and there was not a single moment they were not in contact.

time had stopped so that they could create their own, any voice aboard the ship ceased to clamor ears now blushed.

there was no future. there was no past. the only concept of time that existed was the current moment. as they stayed for hours and hours until the moon melted into the ocean to birth a new dawn that ended up a pigment of time considerably well spent. 


	4. four

the sun hadn't truly risen, but it surely felt so as daniel buttoned all but the last two buttons of his pinstriped shirt. his straight, steamed, black slacks reached till just above the top of his shoes, creased in all the right places and bearing his tall, masculine figure. he stood smugly in the mirror, admiring himself while phil watched him from the windowsill. the water stood still. she was still waiting anxiously to set out. the moment the people started cheering and the moment that bell rang, they knew they had to make one another inconspicuous and comfortable. this was a long journey, but there were no doubts in either's mind that it would be worth it.

"phil,"

he trailed off. there was something so much greater on his mind that he knew would be too large to release all at once unto his partner, whom, he knew, could only handle so much of his overflowing mind at a time. so he split it in chunks, first beginning with his favorite name on the entire planet. phil.

"what? aren't you excited?"

the black-haired boy could feel the anxiety pulsing off of the brunet.

he shook his head.

"i'm fine, i just...."

phil stood up now, putting his hands on dan's shoulders.

"you can tell me."

"sorry."

he blurted it out and sighed, letting go of the control he thought he had over the sob pounding in his chest.

"shhh, don't apologize, my love."

he shook his head again and tried to smile, but only half his face complied, turning it into the most nervous looking smirk.

"this is real, phil lester. this isn't something that the gods have made up for our own lavish, this is something that we ourselves as humanity have started. we made this blasted thing. and if we make it across the sea, i want the whole world to know that this is real human success."

the grin that grew over phil's face instantly turned to frown. it looked down upon the fallen matter that crawled along the floor and bit at his ankles. he scowled at the darkness that made daniel so crestfallen. why was his mind beginning to turn away from the idea of success? why was making it suddenly reduced to a possibility like lottery?

"what do you mean... if?"

dan shook his head again.

"you never know..."

phil caught the end of him and tied a knot around his finger.

"don't trail off like you think your words aren't worth the pain, boy. your brain is talking smack to you and you pass it as truth that you keep embroidered in your suit pockets. listen now, howell, tell me what's on your mind. i love to hear you speak it."

dan pursed his lips at the single curl that had escaped the jelly slick and hung over his brow.

"well, i suppose you could judge from my fingers shaking so horridly and say that i can't help but wonder if something would happen. you're the psychic anyway, why would i ramble?"

"because you like to talk. you like to let people know how you feel, and that's what made me fall in love with you. you never stopped announcing me."

every syllable smiled. but phil hadn't realized how unstable dan was when he let him stand up on his own out of his grip till he grabbed the man's hands and kissed them. they were sweaty and they trembled in his touch.

"we're gonna be ok, dan. this is gonna be fun. we're going to america! shouldn't that be enough to soothe you?"

daniel kept staring at his chest peeking out of his shirt and seeming to tremor constantly.

"it's the concept of going that puts me on edge, phil. i'm terrified of anew."

"i know you are. but that's why i never abandon. i am here till the end. whether or not we have to swim to america doesn't matter. all that matters is you and i. alright, mon cheri?"

"nous sommes tout ce qui existe, mon amour."

phil loved when dan spoke french to him. nothing more devine than an englishman with a tongue.

"i love you. we'll get through to the other side. literally. just stay here with me and i'll protect you. always."

"always..."

he echoed the word.

always...

so comforting.

it was one he would keep forever as it all evolved. as it all unfolded.

as it became life full bloom.

daniel howell knew he was ready for it to happen. 


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! it's been a hot minute since i've tended to the messy fire that is this fic, i havent had much of a clue about how to get it jump-started and to fill the time on the voyage between pickups so i did what i do best and got y'all some fluff !
> 
> cheers,  
> -f

'10th april, '12..'

daniel scratched the words into the journal he kept tucked in the pocket of his suit jacket. his pen splotched and skipped but he didn't mend it, admiring the way the ink ran down the page and onto the desk. this always made phil angry, but he loved him too much to scold the brunet.

'eleven fifty anti-meridian, the people crowd, i can hear cheers and screams and voices all about us, from women's goodbyes to children in sorrow to depart, i have seen all i can bear from the bedside window. a meer half hour that has passed since boarding, feels to me an entire night and dawn, falling asleep and waking to a burst of light in his eyes and his smile. he was so ever glad to watch the sea roll past for a few moments as he kissed my neck, telling the world my secrets. i could have sworn on the stars that i saw them emerge, moon dancing across their pale glow, yet the sun has been as bright as ever. day as distinct as she can be. ~~me and phil~~ phil and i have been on the edges of our polished heels, bright future nipping closely behind us, ready to pick up a few remainder twice and then carry on promptly to our ever burning dream. i cannot bear to believe it. it is now twelve noon to the second and the people have just gotten louder. i can feel her moving underneath their feet. this is the beginning. this is the first step. tell phil i love him.

-daniel howell ♥'

he always drew a messy, puddley heart at the end of his entries, which always smudged and smeared and got all over his hands as he surveyed his penning and shut the book abruptly, always just as phil would begin to catch the first few words.

dan stood up and walked slowly to the sink, watching as the deep ebony slid from his fingers and barely stained his nails a rich indigo.

he turned around, and, on his way to the sink to rinse his purpled hands, his eyes met phil's and he smiled. he followed him in and rested his hands on dan's shoulders, before beginning to speak to him.

the man loved to talk about new things everytime he did, save for the often appearances of common fluffy animals and plants and the color blue. even if the things he talked about were new, the way that phil lester said them always remained the same. the way his eyes lit up and his face scrunched into a smile when he realized that dan was listening to him ramble, the way that his voice pitched up as he struggled to contain his giggling, and the way he just gave up and burst into laughing, pushing his tongue between his teeth and covering his face completely. every single thing about the way he spoke about the things he loved gave dan another reason to love him.

"i saw a hedgehog yesterday!"

phil's blue, green, gold eyes sparkled in the afternoon sun. that damn thing again...

"oh really?"

dan's brow furrowed, as the last bit of ink on his hands refused to wash away with the insane amounts of hand soap he was using, but he still nodded and continued along with the conversation.

"he told me that he wanted me to tell you that he loves you, as do i."

"and that makes plenty sense, why couldn't you have just said that you loved me anyways? what's mr. hedgehog got to do with it?"

"dan, shut up! buzz! i actually did see one, and that sounded much cuter in my head than it did on air."

"i believe the former, i'm sure i was with you when it happened, i've just forgotten, but you're already so cute that i can't imagine you getting any more so."

"oh, can it, you egg! i love you."

"i love you too, phil."

conversation like this continued.

and it kept.

it would be futile to inform the reader of every single thing they did leading up to the layovers to pick up more guests, as it would seem to be dragging on with no real drive or reason. so, i present to you, the next point.

"you are a bearcat, dan, you know that?"

"gee, thanks. i'm a man."

"yeah, so am i. you catch on quick, howell."

they both giggled, which evolved in wheezing, screaming laughter. it was pretty hard to contain laughter that was being caused by such a tiny, meaningless conversation, but when you're alone in a cabin on a ship with your soulmate, going to another country, you tend to get quite excitable.

and that was just the least of their happy tones responsible for the trip in the first place.

"phil, we're gonna see a bit of france soon.. we're crossing over the channel now, so... get ready. i want to see the beauty with you right here by my side."

he rolled his eyes and jumped up from the bed to join dan at the window. he wrapped his arms around his hips and said, "i cant wait to marry you, daniel."


End file.
